i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
