I'm so fucking centered right now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
