Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
