I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
