i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize