I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
