So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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