I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
