youre lurking in front of me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
