I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
