Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
