Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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