He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
