i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My feet surprised me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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