I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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