So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
