How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
