the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
