so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
