im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm passing your future prison.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
