You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
