first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
