i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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