Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
