i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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