My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
