Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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