We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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