How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
