And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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