i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
