If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
