You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this just has baby written all over it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
