Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
