Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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