i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
