btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
