I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
