I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
