im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
