somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
