maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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