dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
