I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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