my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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