So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
