Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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