The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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