we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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