I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
