do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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