Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
