The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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