And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
