nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
