You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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