they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
