Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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