why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
