I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
