all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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