How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
