Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
