So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
