Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
