I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
