Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
