dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
