my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
