I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
