It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
