pop tarts are not kleenex
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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