When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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