i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
