$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize