What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
