He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Porn is love you can see.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
