I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
