Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
